ODE TO MY MOTHER
Earlier today while I was finishing my breakfast and mom was doing her thing in the kitchen, she turned to me and said "Kae, i-project ning flooring sa kusina beh". In simple English that means "Kae, spend some of your money and improve our kitchen floor".
I see nothing wrong with my dear mother's request except that right now I just don't have the money to grant her wish.
I pity myself because at 25, I'm still not accomplised. I recently left my job as a Recruitment Supervisor in the call center. I've stayed there for almost 5 years and though the company had helped me in some ways - I'd always felt that it is not the company I want to grow old with.
Months before my planned resignation, I talked to my parents about it but they were insistent that I should stay. I told them about my plan of putting up my own Online English Tutorial site and make money by teaching English to Koreans and Chinese. I told them that this would be a new & exciting experience for me as this will be my first try in handling a business. I told them that if the business won't turn out well - I could easily find another job because "I know I am good", "If I became a supervisor in my previous company, I see no reason why I couldn't become one in the new company I will be working for..perhaps even be higher than a supervisor". All my explanations were in vain. Below are some of the rants my mom told me :
- that having a job is better than having none,
- you think backwards! "utok-bolinao ka" your brain is as small as the bolinao's (anchovies??)
- your jobless boyfriend might have influenced you into this
- you were schooled in a good school, and now you will become jobless? what will the people say? what will the neighbors say?
- I don't have any respect for the jobless people! I will not be proud of you if you'll do such stupid thing!
Shiver.. I could still imagine my mom saying those words to me.
Now becaue my parents didn't welcome the idea of me resigning from my job & the idea of me putting up my own business....I kept the truth from them.I left my job last November 08 and pursued my business. Afterall, this is my life; I am in charge of it as well as my own happiness.
My online business is currently doing "ok". I've got a number of students already plus I recently hired 2 teachers to help me out with the load - but I wouldn't say that the business is doing really well. The money I make is just enough to pay for my apartment, and other bills. Since my business is online based, I could have saved around 5k/month of apartment rent & other bills had my parents approved of my idea. I could be staying at home with them and operate my business there. But since they didn't, I'm forced to stay in the city & pay all the bills I need to pay.
Anyhoo, going back to the "kitchen floor", - in as much as I'd like to shell out some dough to grant my mother's wish, I just can't. I just can't afford it right now. If I have the money, why would I not do it? I love to be in the kitchen myself and it might be even more wonderful to cook in a kitchen that has a nice new flooring.
So in answer to my mom's request, I said "ok pa man na imung tiles, pwede pa na"In English, that's "your kitchen tiles still look ok. That will still do".
To which she replied in a dissapointed tone, "sus Kae uy, wala jud kay na-project dinhi sa balay". " In English, "You haven't done any projects for the house".
To my mom I say :
"Mom, I love you with all my heart and I appreciate everything you've done for me.
I'm very sorry if I failed you,
I'm sorry if i didn't turn out the way you want me to be,
I'm sorry if I'm not able to buy you the things you "want",
I'm sorry that I'm not successful yet.
Don't worry though because once I hit it big, I will never forget you.
Tell me what you want, and I'll buy it for you.
For now, please try to understand me. I'm still trying to work my way up. I need your support."
Love,
*kae grabs a hanky and blows her nose*
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MY LIFE IS SUCH A BORE!!!I don't know about you but lately my days have been boring. I'm hit by the global financial crisis bug and I'm trying to steer clear away from spending. Unfortunately, Almost all exciting things need money :
Shopping needs money
eating out needs money
hanging out with friends needs money
backpacking needs money
looking good / pampering yourself needs money
What other exciting things can you do these days that don't require money? Well uhmm, I can have sex for free with the boyfriend but our sexlife hasn't been exciting lately either.
So you see? The life that I'm living in is as boring as hell!
I need help / ideas / suggestions please!
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GETTING AWAY
I had a huge fight with Ferdie yesterday so my day didn't go well. I'm gonna feed you with the details of the "fight" when I'm ready. There were hurtful words that made me lose my self respect. Words that make me feel worthless.
Just the thought of it makes me cry...
For now, I'm thinking of getting away...be somewhere far and do a lot of thinking. I've done a lot of travellings but I have never travelled far "because I just need time to think". I feel that I need time to be with myself and be away with people for a while. Is this a healthy thing to do? I know a lot of people have done this. Did it help you? Did you come back refreshed and ready to face the world again?
Some silly thought in my head is saying I just wanna do this because I'm being "nag-iinarte". But I really feel that the only way for me to be able to think is to be on my own for awhile. I'm up for it but I'm a little bit scared. I worry about my security. Crooks are all around us. I worry about being taken advantage of.
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TRYING MY HANDS IN THE BUSINESS
So...I already resigned after almost 5 years of working from my previous job as a Recruitment Supervisor in a call center. For years, all I did was complain about the company, and about my job. There were times when I even cry myself out of frustration because I badly wanted to quit but I couldn't because I didn't know where to go next. (I'm quite independent. Although my parents can still support & feed me, I detest the thought of being a "palamunin" to them again).
My boyfriend, Ferdie suggested that we should try putting up our own Online English Tutorial Business. He saw great potential in it. He sounded really sure that his idea will click and because I was desperate to resign from my previous job in the call center and trying my hands in entrepreneurship for the first time seemed exciting-I supported his idea and we decided to go on with the business. He asked me to work as an Online Tutor for another company for 3 months just so I'll be able to learn the tricks of the trade. (While I was working there, he was also busy putting up our website) The company that I used to work for was owned by a Chinese and most of our students were students. Everything was fine except that us tutors, were made to make our students believe that we are Americans. Ha! Can you actually believe that??? Fortunately, none of my students suspected that we both live in the same continent. phwew!
Fast forward.... I now work as an Online Tutor / co-owner of http://teacherkae.com/. We now have around 6 students (to date). We are expecting more by February when the Chinese Spring Festival is over. For some reason, we prefer to get Chinese rather than Koreans (as noticed, most of the Koreans we have gotten in touch to were quite "obnoxious", mean and "bastos"). Our business is in the "ok lang" stage so far. With it, we're able to pay our rent and other bills. Hopefully in the coming months, it will soon start to pick up and we'll soon have many students - like a hundred or so!
I'm a bit worried about the business though. I'm entertaining negative thoughts in my head when I shouldn't be doing so. *sigh*. Marketing our service is hard. We only rely on forums, free ad posts, and sending random invitation messages on Skype. This is one area of our business that we need to focus on. We need to be able to let more Chinese & Japanese learn that we EXIST. But how? Ideas anyone?
Regarding teaching quality, I always think of ways to make it better but I think this isn't the issue because so far 3 of my students have re-enrolled and have referred some of their friends to learn English in our company.
My heart is really in the business and I wanna do whatever I can to make it grow.
Maybe I'm just being impatient. I'm just not used to slow paced work... that's why.
Anyhoo, Ferdie & I are giving the business until May. If it doesn't pick up by then - it's time to look for another job. For now though, I should just be happy teaching Chinese basic and advanced English skills. Honestly, I feel good that I'm being able to help them learn something relevant and helpful to them. http://teacherkae.com/
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